You Need to be Known, because You are Known. "Someone is Listening".
For my next series of work, I want to tell the stories of those who experience hate, violence, racial prejudice, or religious persecution. I am asking for individuals to be bold and share their story with me
Over the last 4 months, while I have been awaiting my new art studio in Waco, Texas to be built, I have been working on thoughts behind my next series of work. I am a story teller. I use my art, in a contemporary abstract style to create a voice through imagery. Every series, or body of work I create revolves around a specific expression of our personal journeys and the tension that exists throughout our cultural existence.
We all live within areas of tension in our own cultures. That tension can come from our family, our economic background, our neighborhood or city, our political affiliations or religious surroundings and of course by the color of ones skin. All of these culture defining characteristics operate through cosmos and chaos, some of them we have control within and others our out of our control. Through my bodies of work, I share these thoughts and stories from my memories, and studies, taking the viewer on a journey in my sea of thought. I want to hear your experiences within these tensions.
“Stories are able to help us to become more whole, to become Named. And Naming is one of the impulses behind all art; to give a name to the cosmos, we see despite all the chaos…..In art, either as creators or participators, we are helped to remember some of the glorious things we have forgotten, and some of the terrible things we were asked to endure...” ”
Over the last few days, as my country begins to tear at its seams, and division becomes a household conversation my temperament as Madeline L’engle says, “seems a battleground, a dark angel of destruction and a bright angel of creativity wrestling…….It is a frightening thing to open oneself to the strange and dark side of the divine; it means letting go our sane self-control, that control which gives us the illusion of safety. But safety is only an illusion, and letting go of it is part of listening to the silence, and to the Spirit.”
I have been listening to the silence in the midst of the noise. The silence is asking me to tell the stories of those in the struggle. As a white American male, I have only a small, extremely small taste of being a minority, being persecuted for my religious beliefs and witnessing the effects of hate, pure and evil hate. (to clarify: not in America) I have lived in other cultures around the world. I have lived in Communist cultures and have been persecuted and followed by police daily in that culture for my religious beliefs. I was harassed and provoked, as they wanted me to become violent. If I had, I have no doubt I would have disappeared and been imprisoned. I cannot even imagine the fear I had in those moments being a part of everyday life for someone. I worked in Rwanda with orphans of the Genocide months after the genocide had ended. I saw what the effects of real evil and hate towards others looks like in the faces of children. These children who were raped, beaten, and observed their families being slaughtered.
I know what it feels like to be powerless in the hands of another, I was raped and sexually abused as a child. This is something I am often silent about, but in order to have impact, to have a voice, to listen well, we all must be vulnerable and transparent with another and so I am opening my past, my life to you, in hopes you will do the same with me. Some of us have witnessed the devastation of human beings, and have been held captive to it as well. These moments make us who we are, and our stories together build strength. We know what exists inside and outside of our fragmented cultures and we know where these wounds can go without healing. We, the broken, know the importance of that healing.
For my next series of work, I want to tell the stories of those who experience hate, violence, racial prejudice, or religious persecution. I am asking for individuals to be bold and share their story with me. My voice is my canvas and I want people to observe with new and different eyes what others have to live with, in the best way I know how, through art.
Share your story with me, you need to be known, because you are known.
My series will be titled “Someone is Listening” because I am listening. I am praying. You can share your story with me at samo4prez@gmail.com
“I love, therefore I am vulnerable.”
Budapest: Day Seven: Cosmos in the Chaos
Today is day seven of my residency here in Budapest. I have just finished lunch ( a Hungarian potato and bean soup with a fresh baguette, a nectarine and sparkling water) and am sitting in my apartment listening to Agnes Obel. I haven't really wanted to write for the last few days, I haven't slept great yet, so that may be a little of the no writing angst. It also could be the stories of the local people and the generations who suffered under the hands of German Fascism and the Russian Communism. I have experienced both sides in other countries and lived in a communist country for a while. I do feel a new confidence amongst the youth, but also feel the years of suffering and worry of the elder generations.
I took these two pictures in the dome of Buda Castle.
For the first 5 days I explored the city with the other residents, from Canada and San Antonio. I could probably write about all the museums, streets, architecture, and beauty that this magnificent city holds. But I am here for art. To grow as an artist, in another culture. Taking everything that I feel and observe and transform it all into artistic growth. This can be easy and difficult as an artist. For me, creating art is often times more a time of prayer than a subject. As an abstract expressionist I often need to empty myself to experience as much of the divine that I can come close to grasping.
Madeline L’Lengle writes, “It is a frightening thing to open oneself to the strange and dark side of the divine; it means letting go our sane self-control, that control which gives us the illusion of safety. But safety is only an illusion, and letting go of it is part of listening to the silence, and to the Spirit.”
Taking some time to enjoy some literature and Hungarian wine.
This may be why I have refused to write over the first few days. I have felt emotional “heavy”, I have experience magnificent art, art that was created in forms that is longer practiced. Stood before Mogdiliani and Picasso exhibits. Two artists who have influenced generations and that will continue to do the same, long after they have died. As I paraphrase L’Engle and add my own words, “Each of these men, whose paintings I stand before and admire in a great fashion. They are just that, all men, and all dead, Their distance from us in chronology seems to give them an overwhelming authority. But they were not dead when they painted, and they were as human as the rest of us.”
I moved from powerful exhibitions of the created and spent a day in the Terror House Museum, that walked you through the history of German Nazi rule and Russian Communist rule. The power of death, betrayal, hatred, and ugliness has virtually left a small stain on my heart as I moved through relics of Nazi Germany, the torture chambers connected to tunnels under the city from Russian Communist rule. I needed to experience a visual representation of people that overcame these cruel moments in history. I have heard the stories from our Residency Director of her family suffering at the hands of both Nazi Germany and Russia. Family in camps, bombings, raising chickens in the house, hiding in the basement, moments from books and film. I am changed, again. My eyes have observed many peoples and my ears have heard similar stories first had, all over this world. “Leonard Berstien says that for him music is cosmos in chaos. And it is not true only of music; all art is cosmos, cosmos found within the chaos.” (page 17) I have truly found cosmos, here in Budapest, cosmos that is resting amongst the chaos of history and story. And this has led me to create. The reason I my journey has led me here to this specific moment in time.
Yesterday, I set up my tools of the trade in my momentary studio. This is were the cosmos met my soul and my hands. My working space is in our Director Beata’s studio basement. This space holds stories from Hungary’s history, from her families history. The house was built by her grandfather, and during German occupation the house was bombed. There were multiple families seeking refuge here in the house. They kept chickens upstairs, for eggs and food. One evening her grandfather was upstairs checking the chickens and he was spotted from the Palace moving around in the window. Orders were given to bomb any house where people were seen moving. The house was bombed. The families were able to survive by taking refuge in the basement. Where I now sit, amongst their memories of fear, joy, tears, laughter, love and chaos. As my hands reach for pencils or pastels, I think about children playing amongst these stone walls and bricks, not knowing the chaos that existed above.
I knew coming into this residency that there would be challenges for me as an artist. Challenges that I knew if embraced fully would only help me grow in my craft. The first is working small. For the last two years I have primarily worked no smaller that 4 feet in scale, with multiple paintings in the 9 and 10 foot range. The second is the theme. Since I have been working in bodies of work from my personal writings and literary classics, having a theme outside of my current idea sphere would be a challenge. Our theme is environment. Not something that has been in my working map before. The challenge for any artist is creating a piece that truly speaks, that allows the audience/observer fresh eyes to see.
I began processing what this could look like a few months back and my thoughts led me to begin working on a thesis based upon the harmony of matter and spirit, asking questions based upon the relationship between creation and the created, nature and humanity.
How does life outside of humanity react and live alongside of us?
Do our actions/spirit/emotions/relationships affect our natural surroundings?
What is at work in the air, in molecules, in the environment that we cannot see?
When we feel happiness, sorrow, anger, joy, hope, distrust, love, hate…does nature feel the spirit of these feelings as they come out from our souls, mentality, attitudes, actions and reactions?
Does tension, reconciliation, discrimination, judgment, hate, mercy, in our communities/cultures seep into to the air and disrupt nature’s harmony- having an affect on climate change or environmental deconstruction?
Could these things add to nature’s disruption?
These thoughts are all built upon the theory that the Creator of the Universe is in a love relationship with all things created. All things created continue to create themselves towards the image of the Creator.
I am only beginning to write, read, study, think and paint through these thoughts. I will write more as they develop. Here is a video from my first day in the basement painting. Please leave comments, thoughts, ideas that you have. I would love to talk through these ideas and this world with you all! Here is a short 1:00 video from my first day working through a few studies.
i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday, this is the birth
day of life and love and wings; and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth…
now the ears of my ears are awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened.
e.e cummings
A Canvas of Sound: Scene.
A scene from my film "A Canvas of Sound"
Kris Rutherford and I recently applied for a grant with the Austin Film Society with our film," A Canvas of Sound." We didn't get the grant, or any grant for that matter. It, of course was disappointing and mostly because I am a perfectionist as an artist. The experience was incredible though, the process, breaking down all of my ideas, scenes, questions etc and creating my first film treatment. We are still in the process of creating the film as we have run out of funding and have been putting our own money into the project. I wanted to share the clip that we used in our entry.
We chose a clip from the "Chapter 1: What is Sound?" section of the film. This clip will be following our opening sequence and will begin with a narration of prose over an artist painting in a studio. The opening sequence (artist in studio) will fade out to Chapter 1 (selected scene). This chapter is the introduction to the characters, as they define sound in their own personal definitions while showing each of them in their musical element. You will also get a feel for the style of the camera work across the breadth of the film, using landscapes of musical visuals with sound and words.
For more information about the film you can contact myself at : https://www.samo4prez.com/contact/
Impatient raging.
So, there are specific days that jump out at me every now and then where emotions seem uncontrolable. Days where the only refuge is found in a blank canvas, paint and brushes. Well, today is one of those days and escaping to my place of solice is just out of reach. I have returned to Austin, TX (home) after being on the road for an extended time and I won't have a space for 3 more weeks. I could feel everything building from the moment my eyes opened and my head lifted from my pillow, I tried to fight it and distance myself from the impatient rage building inside. After 36 years I should realize that I can't hide from who I am or how I was created. So I went to find a quiet place to write, listen and be. At least until I can calm down, relax and exit a few tears and thoughts.
Here is the music that is filling or drowning out every other sound around me into oblivion:
Active Child: You Are All I See, Curtis Lane
James Vincent McMorrow: Early In The Morning
Nathaniel Ratliff: In Memory of Loss
Wise Children: Absince & Reunion
Ugly Casanova: 180 South Soundtrack
Timber Timbre: Creep on Creepin' On
City and Colour: Little Hell
Sbtrkt: SBTRKT
The Jezabels: Dark Storm, She's So Hard, The Man Is Dead